IN PERSON - TELEPHONE SUPPORT
WHEN HOSPICE ISN'T ENOUGH. Hospice will be with you and your family approximately 5% of the time. There is a lot going on during the other 95%. Hospice provides the medical advice, medicines and wonderful therapists, but their time is limited. I provide the calm presence and reassurance of someone who has been through this before and I can stay with you as long as you need .
My services are charged by the hour (30-50$ sliding scale) I normally work in the Mpls. St. Paul metro area.
- Compassionate listening to support you thru this deeply emotional event
- Help you determine what you want to do with the time you have left
- Attend doctor visits and hospice meetings as a patient/family advocate
- Coordinating caregiver support, organizing the home front so you can concentrate on what is happening in the moment
- Caregiver respite
- Legacy work to find meaning and purpose in your life and leave something for your loved ones
- Facilitate the creation of a death plan to provide for comfort
- Do guided meditations to reduce anxiety and create peace
- Guiding you to create a sacred space for sitting vigil during active death
- Provide instruction for after death body care to facilitate the grieving and thus the healing
- Assist in memorial/funeral planning
- Educate about body disposition choices
- Plan ahead for birthdays and death day anniversaries
I provide coaching sessions via phone on the topics above. This works well for people out of the metro. It also works well for issues that just come up. These can be in half hour or hour increments.
Why I do this
My partner of 25 years died of cancer at 50 after a 4 month illness. I look back on this time and clearly see how anxious I felt and how totally unprepared I was for what was about to happen. This anxiety took me out of the moment. I wish there had been a calm and reassuring presence by my side. Someone who had experience with dying and who could help prepare me for what was to come. Someone who could help connect me to the moment.
Having a conscious death means planning for the final days of life. Our culture has the tendency to see death as a failure, even though death is part of the natural order of life. When you see death as a failure, you lose the opportunity to get the full 'gifts' of death, the meaningful culmination of a life.
Death can be a time of intense transformation and healing. I work to support a dying person to befriend their death, to live a richer life until the end. I work to support caregivers to help their dying loved one to walk this path.
For the dying person
In large part, I listen.
Feeling alone while dying is normal. It is difficult in our culture to sit with the uncomfortable truth of dying; you will often hear "you aren't alone, I am right here with you." While said with love, this may make you feel more alone. When you are dying, you are on a solitary journey, whether you live on your own or are surrounded by friends and family. I see you, without trying to fix what cannot be fixed.
I provide a sense of calm and peace at a time when everything seems to be falling apart.
In large part, I listen. Compassionate listening from someone who has been there before is sometimes the most healing balm we need as caregivers.
I offer a variety of physical, emotional, and spiritual services to support you as you prepare for the end of life of your loved one including:
-Making a Game Plan, incorporating what matters to your family. This planning ahead allows you to be prepared and calm when the time comes to let them go because you have envisioned it and left nothing to the last minute.
-Prepare you to say I'm sorry, I forgive you, Thank you, Goodbye.
-Gentle reminders to care for yourself. Sometimes when our world becomes so small as a caretaker we forget to eat, or drink. Sometimes we just need a reminder to go on a walk and take some deep breaths. -Sometimes we need someone to show up with a hot nourishing meal.
-Respite care – I can be with your loved one, so you can take care of yourself.
I support your hard work as a caregiver by listening and helping you to problem solve issues as they arise. I can be a companion on this path, using the wisdom I have gathered, to support you.
"She gave me critical needed support and peace-of-mind during a scary, tumultuous and uncertain time. She provided practical advice and sage wisdom at a time when I needed it most."
-Heather St. Paul
"She felt like someone I'd have been friends with anyway. Getting to know her has really been a highlight of the last 6 months."
-Hanna St. Paul
"I have watched Jane work and what she does with people is ministry. There is no other word for it."
-Hospice chaplin St. Paul
"I had the opportunity to work with Jane after my husband was diagnosed with cancer and was going through many complicated medical issues. I found Jane online when I was building my emotional support team as someone going through traumatic and unchartered territory. Jane acted as my guide when I could step away from the hospital, encouraging me to seek answers that I was not getting from the doctors. She began to prepare me for the worst, and in all honesty I wasn't ready at that point to hear that. I knew I could come to Jane when I was ready. Over the next few months I repeatedly reached out to Jane with small questions and she replied with loving and insightful answers. As my beloved went into hospice, Jane skyped me and helped me to answer the questions that were at the forefront of my heart, how to care for Jared. How I might set the mood to be calm and peaceful for our final days together. How to reach the dearest most sacred love at the end of one's life. Jane doula-ed me so I could doula my husband and send him home with utmost love and beauty. When the time came and my husband's life crossed over, Jane came to my home in the country at 2 am and helped me create a beautiful vigil to honor my husband's life. She read to us a reading that would wind up also being read at his celebration of life ceremony, one that honored our spirituality and connection to nature. End of life is a time filled with so much fear and grief. Jane helped me walk this path with more love and more courage. I am eternally grateful."
Kelly P. Greater MN
What follows is a video that helped me feel better as I sat next to Rob as he slept more and more. It speaks to the beautiful, heart breaking link between life and death. How to love one is by necessity to accept the other.